PARENTING

The white picket fenced home is also about being the perfect parent.  Before my babies were born, I went a little crazy.  I had largely purged my house of things that were, by law, treated with fire retardant.  I purchased organic cotton mattresses with wool, a natural fire retardant.  I bought natural, compostable diapers (after trying the old fashioned wash and reuse diapers).  Onesies were unbleached or colored with natural dyes.  Toys were wooden or cloth rather than plastic.  I took my passion for a healthy environment to a whole new level now that my babies were going to be a part of life on Earth. 

I provided my children with the best of everything.  This obsession was not just with things.  I also gave my children every ounce of energy.  In fact, I gave them every morsel of my being.  Clearly, newborn babies; relying on their mother for survival; need an enormous amount of attention, but I was giving absolutely everything trying to be the perfect mother in her white picket fence.

What do kids truly need beyond food, shelter and safety?  All the toys in the world will not replace a parent’s time and attention.  These are the four most important things for me to give my children.  I have found when I practice these four ideas, everything else easily falls into place:

1. Love freely and wholeheartedly.  I kiss my children on their lips, and I have informed them I will continue to do so all my life.  Every single day I tell my children I love them and I melt when they answer, “I know.  I love you too.”  They are allowed to love, and be loved by, both their parents.

2. Be present.  When I am with my children, I try to be in the moment.  If while reading a book, I begin to think about what I might make for dinner, I catch my wandering thoughts and bring myself back to the book.  Being present with your child helps you stay connected to one another, and more importantly, it shows them love.

3. Be respectful.  I do not bark at or try to command my children.  I do not expect my kids to obey me.  Nope.  I set limits for them and empower them with information.  I do require them to listen to their options and the consequences.  Then as informed individuals, they can decide on their action.  We live in a democracy, so we practice democracy at home—though I do have veto powers that a two-thirds majority cannot override.  I treat them as people with intelligence, emotion, the ability to make decisions and the right to honesty.

4. Love and respect yourself.  I cannot teach my children to love and respect themselves if I do not love and respect myself.  This means taking time for myself and doing things that complete me as a woman.  Being a mother is a huge part of who I am, but it is not all that I am. 

When I was constrained within the white picket fence, the children’s rooms were immaculate and all clothes were neatly in place.  In fact, everything in the house was perfect… and I had no energy, no ability to stop and enjoy the moment.  When I broke free of the white picket fence, I focused my energy on the children themselves rather than on doing things for them.  The house is a mess, but I spent an amazing hour with the kids just digging in the dirt for earthworms.  As I write this, there are two loads of laundry on my bed.  The laundry will get folded tonight, but I have already accepted the clothes will not be put away until tomorrow, or maybe the next day.  I need my rest, so tomorrow I can wake-up with a fresh smile at the sight of my children and the energy to keep up with the possibilities of the new day.