WIN OR LOSE?

A friend recently commented to me, “You win some. You lose some.”  Some people view everything in life as a game, even interpersonal relationships.  The prevalence of game-approach in mainstream society is regrettable.   I used to think game theory was limited to brief academic discussion during studies of politics and conflict.  Practically, I thought game strategies were used while learning an actual game, like chess or poker. 

While many of us consider most reality shows comical, the digital age has made it clear too many people have actually mistaken the ridiculous win-lose games played by the “stars” of these shows as behavior to be emulated.   (Rather than the partying wannabes on television, I am impressed with the success of the innovating twenty-something year old who recently developed the app the wannabes and their followers cannot live without.)

Even with the popularity of win-lose games, winning has lost its significance.  Sometimes I think people do not know or care what they are winning, they just want to win.  What did the team truly win when they cheated to get the winning goal?  What did the man win when he broke-up with the woman he really liked, just to beat her to the break-up?  What did the meddling and disapproving mother-in-law win when her son got divorced?

In sharp contrast to the theatrics, a great fighter kneeled down and looked my young son in the eye, after my son had lost his jiu-jitsu fight.  He emphatically spoke the words of Master Carlos Gracie,

 “There is no losing in jiu-jitsu: there is winning or learning.”

Those words resonate with me because they are applicable beyond sports.  Life is not a win-lose game.  Relationships are not win-lose games.  We learn about ourselves and others from relationships.  We learn who we are, what we want, what we need, what we can give and how far we can go.  Sometimes we learn what we can do better.  We make mistakes and we grow.   When we learn, we cannot lose.