IT COMES CRASHING DOWN

We all know people see through their own lens and process based on their own experience.  Just ask five people in the same room what happened and you will likely get five different stories.  The interesting thing about relationships is not that we observe and process with our unique filters.  What is more interesting is what we WANT to see.  When she wants him to be brave, she seems to notice the actions that hint at courage.  When she wants him to be a nice guy, she will give him the benefit of the doubt, at least a few times, when the “asshole” warning goes off.  When she wants him to be badass, she will focus on his moments of defiance.  When he wants her to be a player, he thinks she must be sleeping with every man she talks to.  When he wants her to be a saint, he will come up with a reasonable explanation for every wrongdoing.  What is the point?  Be who you are because everyone—and I truly mean everyone—will see you as they want you to be rather than as you are.  They will believe their story, and they will interact with you based on their story.  We WANT our desires to be true, so we lay the foundation of belief that becomes our reality; it is not necessarily the other person’s reality, but our own illusion.  

True, we are different things to different people.  While I may be different things to my family, friends, lovers, acquaintances, neighbors or colleagues, I will fundamentally still be the same core person.  Some may see my tenderness and others may know my temper, but it does not change who I am.  The trouble in interpersonal relationships starts when we want someone to be something they are not.  Sometimes the other person may even help perpetuate the problem because they want to be the illusion.  Ultimately, though, these fantasies make a person delusional about who they are with and the relationship is doomed to come crashing down to a painful reality.  Are we capable of seeing people for who they truly are rather than what we, or they, want them to be?