PERFECTLY HUMAN
Standing on the soft, wet sand, I watched the ocean rise,
sparkle in the sun, curl-up, crest and come crashing back down in a burst of
thick white froth in front of me. The
wind carried the cool mist into my face.
I am in love with the ocean. The
ocean brings me happiness and peace.
Surprisingly, it can get better:
my children are with me finding the same joy and peace from the
ocean. With skimboards in hand, they are
waiting, watching, learning and understanding the movements of the ocean. I start to let go of the thoughts and feel
the calmness.
Abruptly, a woman starts talking to me. I am not sure exactly what she has said. Annoyed at her for disturbing me, I turn and
look directly at her. All I hear is,
“blah, blah, blah, surfing, blah, blah, blah.”
I look at her as if she is insane. I am trying to make out the words, but my
anger is rising and stealing my focus.
Rudely, I clarify, “They’re learning to skimboard.” She does not understand. Her friend is just as confused as her, but
senses my irritation. I am not sure if the
woman is clueless or determined to obtain clarity. Regardless, she continues with her questions. Impatiently and impolitely, I explain. Painfully, the conversation ends. At first, I am relieved. Quickly, though, I begin to feel like the
asshole I had just been. The woman was
simply being friendly and inquisitive, and I was a complete jerk to her.
Ms. Peace, Love and Happiness, as difficult as it is to
admit, had just been downright mean. My
anger was refocused on myself, which helped snap me back to the reality of the
moment. Recognizing my anger, I walked away and
sat down by myself. I looked at the
ocean; my kids; the two women, who had rejoined their group of a third woman
and a man; the beach and everyone around me.
I remembered I was a human being, sitting here along with all these
other human beings, trying to enjoy nature and life. Equally important, I realized I was perfectly
human in my imperfection. I had made a
mistake, and it was O.K. that I made a mistake.
I still had an opportunity to share kindness. Before long, I apologized and was sitting
with the women having a lovely, friendly time with them. Just like when I am playing a game of tennis, I made a
bad shot. That shot is over, finished,
history. If I think about the bad shot, I
am not going to be focused on the shot I am currently facing. We will make mistakes because we are imperfect. It is important to understand; accept;
correct and apologize, if possible; and move on. So
often we focus on forgiving others, but we forget to forgive ourselves.
